- The first human relationship ordained by God in the Garden of Eden was Marriage, when He created the first woman, Eve for the first man, Adam.
Before then, Adam (Man) only had a Creator-creation relationship with God which soon grew into the Father-son relationship.
God remarked that everything He created was good until He evaluated Adam’s loneliness which made Him conclude that he needed a companion like all the animals created in pairs.
The foremost purpose of Marriage is companionship where a man and his wife unite in a bond of love under God’s Approval, Counsel and Will to love, worship and serve Him together as He blesses and prospers their union.
Therefore, the significance of this holy union with The Sovereign God right at the center can never be overemphasized.
Knowing God established the institution of marriage, however, does not mean that there will not be conflicts.
Conflicts in marriage occur because two people with many differences are coming together and those conflicts must be properly resolved for peace in the family and for the marriage to be a blessing.
There is no perfect marriage because there are no perfect people on earth. You will have an improving marriage as you begin to work on your marriage and resolve conflicts through the wisdom of God.
People often get married with so many expectations but little preparation. They prepare well for their careers, businesses, and everything they consider important, but do not put much preparation into marriage.
Genesis 2:18-25 gives a full explanation of why God designed marriage and also makes us comprehend God’s divine principles which, when applied, enable us to build marriages and homes where God is worshiped, honoured and glorified and in turn, brings lasting joy to us.
Please, permit me to share with you an article on the principles of marriage and the essential preparations before marriage that blessed me.
GODLY PRINCIPLES IN MARRIAGE
1. The Principle of God’s Headship and Leadership in Marriage
2. The Principle of Purpose
3. The Principle of Precedence
4. The Principle of Individual Differences
5. The Principle of Honour
6. The Principle of Adaptability
7. The Principles of Roles and Assignments.
1. The Headship and Leadership of God in Marriage.
Based on the word of God, marriage is a triangle made up of God at the apex, the man and his wife at either side of the triangle. Genesis 1:27, 2:18-23, Mark 19:4-6.
2. The Principle of Purpose in Marriage.
Marriage was not made for sex. Sex is only a benefit of marriage, not its sole purpose.
God wants us to understand that the principle of Purpose in marriage relates to the reason God created and established marriage. Contrary to the belief that it was ordained first for pro-creation, God shows us in Genesis 2 that marriage was not primarily ordained for procreation but was first for companionship and togetherness in fellowship and worship of God.
3. The Principle of Precedence
Marriage precedes the family and not the other way around. It is the marriage that gives birth to the family. The marriage covenant is the foundation upon which the family covenant is built. Genesis 2:24, 4:1-2.
4. The Principle of Individual Differences
There are no couples who behave the same way. Individual differences occur due to biological traits, upbringing, temperament and so on.
Here are some of the ways couples can deal with their differences.
(1) Recognise your differences.
(2) Understand them.
(3) Accept them.
(4) Celebrate them.
A wise man who is the leader of his home delegates responsibilities around strengths and differences.
(5) Accentuate the positives in your differences.
(6) The principle of differences produces complementation in marriage.
1 Corinthians 12:14-21; Genesis 2:24
If you marry correctly, you will see that you are strong where your wife is weak and your wife will be strong where you are weak; you will fit and balance each other out. You will not be able to complement each other if all you emphasize are the negatives, and attacking each other based on your differences will not produce a complementary life.
5. The Principle of Honour
If there is anything that makes marriages succeed, it is Honour! When you connect this to the principle of Precedence, you will get a full understanding. The word “honour” in Greek means “to set a value on something” or “to fix a value on”. Husbands have no right to devalue their wives.
Always remember that your wife takes precedence over your sister and mother, and let that be clear to everyone. You cannot dishonour your wife and have God bless you, and you cannot dishonour your husband and have God bless you!
The principle of Honour gives birth to the right use of words in your marriage. When God made the woman, He brought her to Adam to see what he would call her, and he said, “She is Eve, the mother of all living; she is the bone of my bone”. The absence of honour or incomplete honour is responsible for the trouble in many marriages.
Sadly, there are many homes today where the man treats his wife as though she is one of his properties. Such women today do not even have a voice in their husbands’ lives. This is not right!
Your wife must have a voice in your life. You must use words and actions to honour your wife. Likewise, a woman must honour her husband and follow his leadership for a healthy and prosperous marriage.
6. The Principle of Adaptability requires a woman to adapt to her husband.
1 Corinthians 11:8-9 says, “For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man”. Therefore, it is altogether appropriate that a woman who is meant to be a man’s help meet adapts to him. You should not marry a man you cannot adapt to.
A man must be willing to face opposition in life head-on when the occasion arises. That is a key part of what it means to be a man. It is a woman that should adapt to her man, not the other way around.
He must be able to draw the line and say, “This is how far and no further; this is my responsibility”, as the family lines up behind him, and he says, “Let’s move.” Psalm 127:5 reads, “Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate”.
Circumstances in life often destroy that competitive edge in some men.
7. The Principle of Roles and Assignments.
In marriage, God gave the role of headship and leadership to the husband and “help meet” to the wife.
He also gave him the assignment of leading the home and meeting the needs of his wife and the wife had the responsibility of adapting to her husband and following his lead.
Women should understand that only God can change a man. What you can do as a wife is fulfill your role and leave God to change your man.
As a man, you must allow your wife to be a woman and your husband to be a man, as a woman. What we need to understand are our differences from our partners and how to leverage those differences for a successful home. Genesis 2:18; 1 Corinthians 11:8-9; Ephesians 5:22-28
ESSENTIAL PREPARATIONS BEFORE MARRIAGE
There are essential preparations, a believer must get involved with before marriage.
1. PRAY PRE-EMPTIVE PRAYERS: There is power in praying ahead. Since God is the author of marriage, you must engage in consistent prayer to unravel the mystery behind your spouse to enjoy him or her. Pray ahead to prevent future crises and pains and birth the divine plans and purposes of God for your home. Pray for accuracy of choices, wisdom to build together, and power to conceive and bring forth.
2. BREAK FREE FROM SATANIC FOOTHOLDS IN YOUR LINEAGE: Familiar spirits often replicate the attacks against Man through generations. Ancestral flows get stronger and multiply
down the line. Therefore, negative ancestral flows and occurrences must be exposed and opened to ministration.
Marriage is a bridge that makes spiritual experiences flow into either of the spouses. Make sure you do a proper background check of your ancestral and natural heritages and deal with every negative thing that can flow into each other before marriage. Be open to prayers and seek spiritual counseling.
Please note that while this may not apply to every believer, the arch-enemy of God’s children, satan, the defeated foe is always waging war.
3. MASTER HOW TO MULTITASK: So many people come under pressure because of the demands of marriage that they are not prepared for it. You should be able to combine house chores with your career, destiny activities, and your family’s well-being.
In the book of Judges, we see Deborah who was a prophetess, a wife, and a judge.
4. LEARN HOW TO USE WORDS: Words have the power to build up or pull down. One wisdom that both parties preparing for marriage should learn is how to use words to diffuse tension in the home.
Use pet names and avoid calling each other by first name as it is not our pattern in the Kingdom. Avoid expressing your anger by using derogatory words. Crack jokes and build intimacy with words. Take advantage of the Word of God to pray together. Never report your husband around to family members and neighbours as a wife; rather, discuss every challenge you may be facing with your pastor.
5. HAVE RESPECT FOR YOUR BODY: In courtship, display honour and respect for each other and this will continue in marriage. As a single lady, respect your body. Do not flaunt your cleavage and curves. Be well covered! You do not have to appear sexual to be attractive.
Do not dress to kill; dress for Respect. Dress in such a way that your appearance commands respect. Do not dress to draw lust from men or portray yourself as an immoral lady.
A man must also learn to respect the body of his fiancée. If you do not respect each other in courtship, you will destroy the trust and confidence you are supposed to build in that period of your life.
6. PREPARE TO HARMONISE YOUR PHILOSOPHIES AND IDEAS: The courtship period is to have the same mind on critical matters. Listen to messages together and attend spiritual meetings and conferences together. Discuss issues that relate to work, location, church, and families. Do not become strangers to each other after marriage.
The statement, “When you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail” is also true for the marriage institution.
7. ACCEPT EACH OTHER’S PARENTS AND FAMILIES: The brother must protect the sister from in-laws’ influence and the sister must learn to relate very well with the in-laws. Responsibilities to each other’s family must be properly discussed before marriage. As much as possible, do not encourage family members to live with you in the early years of your marriage. This sometimes affects your intimacy, and you may end up not knowing each other very well.
8. HARMONIZE YOUR FRIENDS: Let the friends that you keep in marriage be the ones that will help your home and not the ones that will pull you apart.
9. MAKE FINANCIAL PLANS TOGETHER: Plan wisely for your wedding and avoid going into debt. Save for the future and prioritize your spending. You do not need a society wedding if you cannot finance one successfully. Do not spend carelessly on the wedding ceremony without having a family car, basic house items, or even a landed property. A wedding is a one-day event; marriage is for a lifetime.
10. PREPARE TO BE UNDER THE SAME MENTOR, PASTOR, AND SPIRITUAL COVERING: A man who has no spiritual father is an endangered man; a lady should run from such. Be under the same sound, called man of God whom both of you will submit to in your marriage. Fathers take us farther in the divine programme.
11. PRAY AND PREPARE FOR YOUR CHILDREN BEFORE THEY COME: Prayerfully determine the number of children you will have. Plan on the spacing too. As a sister, start your confession of faith for conception and delivery from courtship. Also, plan for who will help you nurse them in the early periods of delivery. Prayerfully plan about the person you will involve. Make sure you are not exposed to counsel from unsaved family members.
12. PREPARE TO SOW SEEDS INTO YOUR MARRIAGE: You should sow your marriage seed to go ahead of you into the future by giving towards God’s work while single. Remember, seed in the kingdom is not about money, you can sow prayers, time, service, kindness and so on. It is about recognizing the principle of seed time and harvest and working it to your advantage.
13. PRIORITISE HYGIENE MATTERS: As a single sister or brother, you must be beautiful in and out. After marriage, your spouse must meet you clean in and out. For example, maintain cleanliness.
14. MAKE PLANS FOR A DECENT HONEYMOON, NOT A WISHY-WASHY ONE:
If you so desire, plan for it together. It does not have to be expensive, but it should be decent.
15. NOTIFY THE CHURCH WELL AHEAD BEFORE THE WEDDING DATE AND PLAN TO GO THROUGH THE COUNSELING CLASSES: It is always encouraged that you do your wedding in your local church, and where it is not possible, carry your pastor along.
Marriage is a reward and not a gift. It is garbage in, garbage out. Be fully prepared to have a heaven-on-earth marriage that God can use as a masterpiece for generations yet unborn.
If you prayerfully read and diligently obey, God will direct your path and give you a spouse after His heart. You will enjoy a successful marriage (home), have a joyful family and raise Godly offspring.
Shalom!
